I hope you're having a nice Sunday. Here is something from my inbox that might make you smile. :)
I love Only in America stuff!
Only In America
Only in America
.........do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America
........do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America
.........do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America
.........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America
.........do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America
........do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Showing posts with label Sunday Silly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sunday Silly. Show all posts
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday Silly - Haunting Questions
One more from the ole' inbox!
Enjoy!
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Enjoy!
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Sunday Silly - Dear Abby
Time for another e-mail. I did not write this I simply received it in my inbox and I'm passing it along for you to enjoy as well!
How would you answer these?!
Dear Abby
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on My VCR?
Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss
money with him.
Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Remember these people can vote!!
How would you answer these?!
Dear Abby
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on My VCR?
Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss
money with him.
Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Remember these people can vote!!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Silly Sunday - Excuse Notes
Time for another fun E-mail!
all fairness to pupils throughout the land, I must point out that slaughtering the English language is a practice that is not limited only to students. An astonishing number of grownups blithely go about murdering the King's English without any inkling that they are committing a serious crime.
If you think that today's students aren't learning all they should, check out some of the writing miscreated by their moms and dads. the following are actual excuse notes received by teachers.
Enjoy!
"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take P.E. today," wrote a parent. "Please execute him."
"Please excuse Mary for being absent," wrote another parent. "She was sick and I had her shot."
These drastic measures were inadvertently taken in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school.
Dear School: Please eckuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Pleazse excuse Roland from P.E. for a few day. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forget to get the Sunday paper off the porch. and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot to wake him up and I did not find him till I started making the beds.
Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
Please excuse Burma, she had been sick and under the doctor.
all fairness to pupils throughout the land, I must point out that slaughtering the English language is a practice that is not limited only to students. An astonishing number of grownups blithely go about murdering the King's English without any inkling that they are committing a serious crime.
If you think that today's students aren't learning all they should, check out some of the writing miscreated by their moms and dads. the following are actual excuse notes received by teachers.
Enjoy!
"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take P.E. today," wrote a parent. "Please execute him."
"Please excuse Mary for being absent," wrote another parent. "She was sick and I had her shot."
These drastic measures were inadvertently taken in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school.
Dear School: Please eckuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Pleazse excuse Roland from P.E. for a few day. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forget to get the Sunday paper off the porch. and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot to wake him up and I did not find him till I started making the beds.
Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
Please excuse Burma, she had been sick and under the doctor.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday Silly - Children's Logic
Another Fun and Silly E-mail I recieved. Enjoy!
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
--------------------------------------------------------------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor..'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
-------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hope you have a great day!
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
--------------------------------------------------------------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor..'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
-------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hope you have a great day!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sunday Silly - The Pastor's Business Card
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone as at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
At one house it seemed obvious that someone as at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Sunday Silly - Traffic Camera
Once again, this was in my e-mail inbox and I'm sharing it with you. :) Enjoy!
I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding.
Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed.
I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
You know, you just can't fix stupid.
I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding.
Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed.
I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
You know, you just can't fix stupid.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Sunday Silly - Fifty Bucks
Larry and Betty went to the State Fair every year and every year Betty would say, "Larry, I'd like to ride in that helicopter"
Larry always replied, "I know Betty, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
One year Larry and Betty went to the fair, and Betty said, "Larry, I'm 65 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
To this, Larry replied, "Betty that helicopter ride is fifty bucks and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you a penny! But, if you say one word it's fifty dollars."
Larry and Betty agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Betty and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Betty replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Larry fell out, But you know . . .
"Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!
Larry always replied, "I know Betty, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
One year Larry and Betty went to the fair, and Betty said, "Larry, I'm 65 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
To this, Larry replied, "Betty that helicopter ride is fifty bucks and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you a penny! But, if you say one word it's fifty dollars."
Larry and Betty agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Betty and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Betty replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Larry fell out, But you know . . .
"Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Sunday Silly - Talking Dog for Sale
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Secret Service. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.'
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Secret Service. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.'
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Sunday Silly - What Did the Chicken Do?
I read this ages ago and you might have seen it too but it not I hope you enjoy it! Actually, even if you have seen it, it is possible to enjoy it again!
A young man received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a horrible attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of this bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
The young man tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, and doing anything he could think of to set a good example but nothing worked.
Finally, the young man got fed up and he yelled at the parrot and, the bird yelled back. He shook the parrot, and the bird got angrier and ruder. Eventually, in a moment of desperation, the young man put the bird in the refrigerator freezer.
For a few minutes, the young man heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming . . . then suddenly there was quiet. Not a peep for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the bird, the young man quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto the young man's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am truly sorry, and I will do everything to correct my poor behavior."
The young man was astonished at the bird's change of attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
A young man received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a horrible attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of this bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
The young man tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, and doing anything he could think of to set a good example but nothing worked.
Finally, the young man got fed up and he yelled at the parrot and, the bird yelled back. He shook the parrot, and the bird got angrier and ruder. Eventually, in a moment of desperation, the young man put the bird in the refrigerator freezer.
For a few minutes, the young man heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming . . . then suddenly there was quiet. Not a peep for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the bird, the young man quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto the young man's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am truly sorry, and I will do everything to correct my poor behavior."
The young man was astonished at the bird's change of attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Sunday Silly - Speeding
As he sat along the side of the highway, waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police officer sees a car puttering along at 33 MPH. He says to himself. "This driver is just as dangerous as someone who's speeding."
So, he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. As he approached the car he noticed that there were five old ladies, two in the front and three in the back. The ladies looked terrified. Everyone one of them were wide eyed and as white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, said to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replied, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? The driver questioned. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly. Thirty-three Miles an hour!" the old woman said a bit proudly..
The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explained to her that 33 was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error..
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask. Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't made a sound this whole time." the officer asked.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 189."
So, he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. As he approached the car he noticed that there were five old ladies, two in the front and three in the back. The ladies looked terrified. Everyone one of them were wide eyed and as white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, said to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replied, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? The driver questioned. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly. Thirty-three Miles an hour!" the old woman said a bit proudly..
The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explained to her that 33 was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error..
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask. Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't made a sound this whole time." the officer asked.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 189."
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Sunday Silly - You've Got Male
I received this in an e-mail (a couple times actually). You've probably seen it but if not, check it out. It's cute!
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born ?'
The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button , nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Daddy, how was I born?
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born ?'
The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button , nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
"You've got Male!"
It was too good not to share. Have a great day!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Sunday Silly - Kid's Say
I received an e-mail last week and I thought I would share it here. Just a bit of humor for your Sunday. Enjoy!
1.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
2.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
3.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
4.
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
5.
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor..'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead
6.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
7.
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
Have a great Sunday!
1.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
2.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
3.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
4.
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
5.
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor..'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead
6.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
7.
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
Have a great Sunday!
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