Silly Sunday - Excuse Notes

Time for another fun E-mail!



all fairness to pupils throughout the land, I must point out that slaughtering the English language is a practice that is not limited only to students. An astonishing number of grownups blithely go about murdering the King's English without any inkling that they are committing a serious crime.

If you think that today's students aren't learning all they should, check out some of the writing miscreated by their moms and dads. the following are actual excuse notes received by teachers.

Enjoy!



"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take P.E. today," wrote a parent. "Please execute him."


"Please excuse Mary for being absent," wrote another parent. "She was sick and I had her shot."


These drastic measures were inadvertently taken in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school.


Dear School: Please eckuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.


Pleazse excuse Roland from P.E. for a few day. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.


John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.


Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins.


Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.


Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.


Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.


Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forget to get the Sunday paper off the porch. and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.


Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot to wake him up and I did not find him till I started making the beds.


Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.


Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.


Please excuse Burma, she had been sick and under the doctor.

Sunday Silly - Children's Logic

Another Fun and Silly E-mail I recieved. Enjoy!



A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.


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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

--------------------------------------------------------------


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor..'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

-------------------------------------------------------------


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,

'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope you have a great day!

Sunday Silly - The Pastor's Business Card

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone as at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Sunday Silly - Traffic Camera

Once again, this was in my e-mail inbox and I'm sharing it with you. :) Enjoy!


I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding.


Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed.

I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

You know, you just can't fix stupid.

Sunday Silly - Fifty Bucks

Larry and Betty went to the State Fair every year and every year Betty would say, "Larry, I'd like to ride in that helicopter"

Larry always replied, "I know Betty, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."

One year Larry and Betty went to the fair, and Betty said, "Larry, I'm 65 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

To this, Larry replied, "Betty that helicopter ride is fifty bucks and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you a penny! But, if you say one word it's fifty dollars."

Larry and Betty agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word.

 When they landed, the pilot turned to Betty and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Betty replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Larry fell out, But you know . . .
"Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!

Sunday Silly - Talking Dog for Sale

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.


The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Secret Service. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.'

Sunday Silly - What Did the Chicken Do?

I read this ages ago and you might have seen it too but it not I hope you enjoy it! Actually, even if you have seen it, it is possible to enjoy it again!



A young man received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a horrible attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of this bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.


The young man tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, and doing anything he could think of to set a good example but nothing worked.

Finally, the young man got fed up and he yelled at the parrot and, the bird yelled back. He shook the parrot, and the bird got angrier and ruder. Eventually, in a moment of desperation, the young man put the bird in the refrigerator freezer.

For a few minutes, the young man heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming . . . then suddenly there was quiet. Not a peep for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the bird, the young man quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto the young man's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am truly sorry, and I will do everything to correct my poor behavior."

The young man was astonished at the bird's change of attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

Sunday Silly - Speeding

As he sat along the side of the highway, waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police officer sees a car puttering along at 33 MPH. He says to himself. "This driver is just as dangerous as someone who's speeding."

So, he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. As he approached the car he noticed that there were five old ladies, two in the front and three in the back. The ladies looked terrified. Everyone one of them were wide eyed and as white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, said to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replied, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? The driver questioned. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly. Thirty-three Miles an hour!" the old woman said a bit proudly..

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explained to her that 33 was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error..

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask. Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't made a sound this whole time." the officer asked.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 189."

Sunday Silly - You've Got Male

I received this in an e-mail (a couple times actually). You've probably seen it but if not, check it out. It's cute!

Daddy, how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born ?'

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button , nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
 
 
 
 

"You've got Male!"

It was too good not to share. Have a great day!

Sunday Silly - Kid's Say

I received an e-mail last week and I thought I would share it here. Just a bit of humor for your Sunday. Enjoy!


1.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.


The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.


2.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'


3.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'


4.
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'


5.
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor..'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead


6.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,

'Cause your feet ain't empty.'


7.
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'



Have a great Sunday!

Extra! Extra!

I received this in an e-mail a few days ago and just wanted to share. I got a kick out of it. These are headlines found in newspapers around the country. I must say, Does no one proof read anymore???

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day. I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Really? Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
an experiment gone bad??

And the winner is.....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

Well, I hope you enjoyed those. Let this be a lesson to you (and me): Always Proof Read!!